Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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