i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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