I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
