That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
