I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
