I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize