He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
