If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
