i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
