He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
