The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
