somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
