I accidentally burped into my bong.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize
