So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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