You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
