Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
