After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
