did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You ruined the universe
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
