Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize