So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
