the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
