My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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