Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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