Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
