i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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