summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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