I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
