I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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