She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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