He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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