highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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