I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
