I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
