i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
