I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
