You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
