What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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