my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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