Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
