then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
