Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
