I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize