I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
