I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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