Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
