I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
