Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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