I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my liver is dry heaving
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
