im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
