i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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