I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Found your dick twin last night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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