gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
