please come you make the beer taste better
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
