In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
