The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
