From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
