um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize