I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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