I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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