And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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