Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
