Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
