I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
