Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
