my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
