I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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