Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
