So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
